


someone's got to draw first blood

by gilligankane



Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [34]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: 80's Music, F/F, Mixtape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 18:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: Nicole shook her head. “No. This has got to stop. You hurt your knee,” she said. She held a hand up when his eyes flashed and he opened his mouth like he was going to read her the list of exactly what he did to his leg. “It’s been three years. The doctors said-”“I know what the doctors said,” he hissed.“Then you know you need to get back to having a life,” she argued.





	someone's got to draw first blood

**Author's Note:**

> It's the summer of 1993 and Nicole is trying to balance being Waverly's girlfriend, Wynonna's best friend, and how to keep Nathan from falling off the rails.

**“All Revved Up With No Place To Go” Meatloaf, 1977  
** _ I was nothing but a lonely all-American boy, looking out for something to do. And you were nothing but a lonely all-American girl, but you were something like a dream come true. _

Nicole looks anxiously at her watch, tapping her foot against the floor. She frowns, peering up the empty staircase, and then turns, pacing across the living room floor - one, two, three, four, turn sharply, and back again. She pauses at the bottom of the stairs again.

“Nathan!” she shouts.

Something  _ thumps _ upstairs, and she frowns, her foot perched on the first step.

“Give it a rest, Nicole!” he shouts back, his voice warped as it travels from his room, into the hallway, and down the stairs towards her.

Nicole scowls. She’s already been up there once, and the sight of him still in bed, an unwashed white shirt and pizza sauce at the corner of his mouth, had made her feel a little sick. She thought last night she had finally broken through to him and gotten him to agree to come with her to the cookout Waverly decided to throw. 

“You  _ need _ to get out of the house,” she told him. “It’s not healthy to-”

“The only thing not healthy is your insane fascination with getting me to be your friend,” Nathan had fired back, his words slightly slurred. He smelled like the inside of Nicole’s cruiser after she’d given Champ a ride home from Pussy Willows one night - like sick and hot beer. Her nose wrinkled, and she swallowed back her dinner, rising in her throat. 

“I’m not your friend,” she said slowly. “I’m your sister.”

“Leave it alone, Nicole,” he warned.

Nicole shook her head. “No. This has got to stop. You hurt your knee,” she said. She held a hand up when his eyes flashed and he opened his mouth like he was going to read her the list of exactly what he did to his leg. “It’s been  _ three years _ . The doctors said-”

“I  _ know _ what the doctors said,” he hissed.

“Then you know you need to get back to having a life,” she argued.

Nathan laughed, low and hollow. “I have a life.”

“Me hauling you out of the back of a strip joint in Abee because you can’t walk straight enough to know what country you live in is  _ not _ a life,” Nicole spat. She took a step forward, her hand clenched at her side. “Getting called in the middle of the night because you’re sitting outside the factory,  _ again _ , is not a life.” She poked him hard in the chest. “Explaining to mom that you’re  _ not _ high on painkillers is  _ not _ a life,”

Nathan looked down, the muscle in his jaw clicking.

Nicole softened. “Nathan,” she sighed. “Just come to the cookout, okay? I’ll drive you. Perry is going to be there,” she said, her voice rising hopefully.

Nathan sighed and took a long swallow from the beer can in his hand. “Will you leave me the hell alone if I say yes?”

Nicole held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“Fine,” Nathan grumbled. “Whatever.”

She’s been waiting for nearly a half an hour now. It took about twenty minutes to convince Nathan to get into the shower, and even then, she’d had to steady him in the hallway. She dropped a cup of coffee on the sink for him, to help flush the alcohol out of his system. The water had turned off a little while ago, and she had listened to him limp down the hallway back to his room. 

Then, nothing.

“Nathan!” she shouts again.

The back door opens, and Nicole frowns. Waverly had called this morning, and Nicole told her she’d probably be late.  _ Nathan’ll be late for his own wedding _ , she joked.

“Hey,” someone calls.

Nicole sighs. “In here.”

Perry crests the threshold to the living room. “He giving you a hard time?”

She rolls her eyes. “I got him into the shower, at least.”

Perry gives her a crooked smile. “That’s a start. The last time I managed to get him out of the house, he smelled like the inside of my gym locker in high school.”

Nicole wrinkles her nose. “That’s disgusting.”

“So was that locker room.” Perry looks towards the stairs. “Want me to try?”

Nicole shrugs a shoulder. “Can’t hurt, right?”

Perry claps her on the shoulder, squeezing gently. “It can, but we’ll try not to.”

His feet are heavy on the stairs as he goes up, and the floor above her creaks as he walks down the hallway. Nicole takes a deep breath and moves into the kitchen, picking up the phone. She doesn’t need to hide in the pantry anymore, but she still pulls a chair over to the wall under the receiver and collapses into it, dialing the number for the McCreadys’ house. It rings almost four times before the line clicks as someone picks up the call.

“Sup?” Wynonna answers.

“It’s me,” Nicole says.

“Where the hell are you?” Wynonna pauses. “It’s Nicole,” she says to someone.

“I’m trying to get Nathan ready, and then we’re coming over.”

Wynonna sighs in her ear. “If he doesn’t want to come this badly, why’re you trying to force him?”

“He  _ needs _ to get out of the house,” Nicole says, exasperated. 

“Nicole,” Wynonna starts.

“No,” Nicole says firmly. “He’s coming. Even if I have to drag him by the ear.”

“That’s a bit extreme,” someone says behind her.

Nicole looks over her shoulder at Perry, leaning against the refrigerator. He’s toned it down since high school - one polo shirt instead of two, but it’s still a pastel color Nicole wouldn’t be caught dead in. His collar is popped and his sunglasses are tucked into the front of his shirt. 

He looks  _ cool _ ; Nicole gets why Chrissy is totally gone for him.

“Listen, just tell Waverly to hold her horses,” she tells Wynonna. “We’re coming as soon as Nathan gets down here.” She hangs up before Wynonna can fire back at her, and she smiles hopefully at Perry.

“He’s putting on a shirt and then he’s coming down,” Perry says, sliding his hands into his pockets.

Nicole sighs, relieved. “I knew he’d come. You’re a hero.”

Perry shrugs. “I just figured you’d have a hard time convincing him to follow through. He’s been…” Perry trails off, eyes cutting away.

“An ass,” Nicole mutters.

“Hurting,” Perry offers.

“Yeah, hurting.” Nicole scoffs. “Hurting his savings account, blowing through it the way he is.”

Perry gives her a tight smile. “He’s going through a huge change.”

“It’s not like he  _ lost _ his leg,” Nicole mutters.

“No,” Perry agrees slowly. “But he lost everything he used to be able to do because of it.”

Nicole pauses. She digs her fingernails into her thigh, feeling the bloom of pain that comes with it. She couldn’t be a cop if she’d had four surgeries in the last three years. She couldn’t be a cop if she’d torn her ACL, cracked her patella in half, and shattered the top of her tibia. Nathan’s car sat under the carport for almost 6 months. She wouldn’t be able to just get in her car and _go_ when the room got too small. 

“Yeah,” she agrees softly. “I guess so.” 

Perry smoothes down the front of his Dockers. “I’m not disagreeing with you. He’s being an ass. But he’s also trying to figure out how his world moves on from here. His whole world was baseball and that factory.”

“He’s back at the factory, though,” Nicole says, frowning.

“But he’s not on the line.” Perry smiles, a little easier this time. “You and him are the same, you know? You want to be  _ doing _ the work. What if you could be a cop, but you could  _ only _ sit at a desk. No calls out. No patrol. Just desk duty, 24/7. What would you do?”

“Shrivel up and die,” Nicole mutters. She sighs. “Yeah, I get it.” She pauses, tipping her head to one side. “How did you know I was still here and he was refusing to come along?”

Perry shrugs. “I dropped Chrissy off at Waverly’s, and when they said you weren’t there yet, I figured Nathan was digging his heels in.”

Nicole narrows her eyes. “How did you get him to agree to put pants on?”

“I told him I’d make him come in his underwear.” Perry shudders. “He’s wearing a pair of Gremlins Underoos. I didn’t know they made those anymore.”

“Some people never grow up,” Nicole says, shaking her head.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Nathan huffs from behind Perry. 

Nicole startles slightly; he’s been working on his gait - lengthening it and keeping it soft - and she didn’t even hear him come down the stairs. She gives him a hesitant smile. “Want to ride with me or Perry?”

Nathan rolls her eyes. 

_ There’s my answer _ , she thinks. She picks up the the cane that’s propped up by the kitchen door and holds it out to him. “Want this?”

Nathan scowls at it. “No,” he says shortly.

“Nate, you-”

“I said  _ no _ , Nicole.” His hand clenches into a fist at his side. “I don’t need the damn cane. I’m not ninety.”

“Oliver Rigley uses one,” Nicole offers. She holds her hands up in surrender when Nathan glares at her. “He’s only eighty-seven.”

Nathan takes a deep breath. “I don’t need it,” he says, his jaw clenched.

Nicole softens. “I just worry that you’re going to be standing on it for too long, and-”

“Did the McCreadys’ get rid of all of their chairs?”

Nicole frowns. “Well, no. But-”

“Then I’ll be  _ fine _ ,” Nathan says. “Listen, either you can it, or I’m going back upstairs.”

Nicole drops the cane quickly, leaving it on the kitchen floor. She takes a large step back and sweeps her arm across the front of her body. “After you.”

Nathan rolls his eyes, but gives her something like a smile as he limps past her. She watches the way he favors one side, leaning heavily on his good leg as he navigates the screen door. He moves down the stairs slowly, his jaw muscles clenching. Nicole stands in the kitchen as the door swings shut, Perry giving her a thumbs up as Nathan crests the steps and keeps moving across the blacktop towards Perry’s ‘93 Mercedes Benz.

She spots his bottle of painkillers on the kitchen counter and pockets it, closing the heavy wooden door behind her as she leaves the house.

 

-

Doc drops another charred hamburger onto a plate with an apologetic smile. “I do believe I am not the man for this job,” he says regretfully.

Nicole pokes at the hamburger, wincing when her finger produces a hollow noise. “I wouldn’t feed this to Lonnie,” she murmurs.

Wynonna slings an arm over Nicole’s neck, her breath hot and smelling like Molson. “What’s the hold up over here?”

Doc carefully puts down the spatula he’s holding. Nicole should have known, when he first picked it up and wielded it like a lightsaber, that he had no idea what he was doing. He winces, holding his hat between his hands in front of him.

“I offer my sincerest apologies,” he says.

Nicole shrugs a shoulder as an arm winds around her waist, Waverly at her side. Waverly looks across her, scowling at Wynonna.  _ Stuck between two Earps _ , she thinks. Wynonna sticks her tongue out in Waverly’s direction, her grip around Nicole’s neck tightening as she tries to dance away from the foot Waverly sends way.

“Knock it off,” she huffs at them. “I’m not a piñata.”

Wynonna’s eyes widen. “Imagine if you were, though. What would you be filled with?”

Nicole frowns. “What?”

“I’d be filled with those little bottles of whisky they have in hotel rooms,” Wynonna continues. She looks at Waverly, scowling slightly. “You’d probably be filled with bitterness.”

“Wynonna,” Nicole warns.

“I’m home for the  _ summer _ ,” Waverly says, a hard edge to her voice. “You can have Nicole every other month of the year, but this is my last summer before senior year, and-”

“And then you’re done with college and you’ll have her  _ all _ the time,” Wynonna finishes, speaking over Waverly. “So learn to share.”

Waverly scoffs. “That’s rich, coming from  _ you _ .”

“From  _ me _ ?”

“Ms. I-Can’t-Share-Anything,” Waverly says, her arm sliding off Nicole’s waist. She props both hands up on her hips, canting one way. “You’ve  _ never _ been able to share.”

“And  _ you’ve _ never gotten the hint,” Wynonna fires back. 

“I’m right here,” Nicole says, trying to be heard over them.

“She’s  _ my _ girlfriend,” Waverly says, a hand reaching out and curling possessively around Nicole’s forearm.

Wynonna’s grip tightens just slightly around her neck. “She’s  _ my _ best friend.”

“She’s also her own person,” Nicole says louder. She peels Waverly’s hand off her arm and twists out of Wynonna’s grip. “Who is tired of this argument already.”

“Nicole,” Waverly sighs.

“Roller,” Wynonna starts.

“No,” Nicole says sharply. “It’s  _ June _ . It’s the start of the summer. And if this is how you two are going to act, then…” She trails off, looking around. “Well, then, I’m going to spend all summer with Mercedes.”

“ _ Finally _ , Loverboy,” Mercedes shouts across the lawn. She saunters over, hips swaying side to side, and she drapes one arm across Nicole’s shoulders, the fingernails of her other hand scratching against Nicole’s arm. “I’ve been waiting for this for years.”

Nicole feels her face flush. “I only meant-”

“That you’re ready to dump these needy Earps and give me a chance?” Mercedes interrupts, her hand sliding down Nicole’s arms to lock around her wrist. “My birthday isn’t until December, but I’ll take this gift early.”

Waverly scowls.

Mercedes winks and turns Nicole around, leading her away from the grill. She leans in, her breath hot against Nicole’s cheek. “If looks could kill, huh?”

“You’d be twelve feet under,” Nicole says, fighting a smile. She lets Mercedes lead her back to the crooked circle of lawn chairs. Mercedes nudges her towards one, pulling her own closer to the one she shoved Nicole into. She flashes a wide smile at Waverly, Wynonna, and Doc, still standing near the grill, wiggling her fingers in a wave.

“They’re both going to blow a top,” Mercedes says through a wide smile.

Perry leans forward, past Nicole, and snorts. “What did you take away from them? Their favorite toy?”

“Nicole,” Mercedes says.

Perry laughs. “Same thing, isn’t it?”

Nicole frowns. “Hey,” she demands.

Chrissy moves around Perry, perching on his leg. Her hands lace behind his neck, holding on. “What’s the same thing?” She looks across the lawn, her forehead wrinkling. “Why do Wynonna and Waverly look like someone stole Nicole away from them?”

“Because I did,” Mercedes says proudly. 

“ _ Hey _ ,” Nicole repeats. “I’m a person, not a possession.”

Mercedes pats her arm reassuringly. “We know, Loverboy.”

Nathan scoffs. “ _ Loverboy _ ,” he repeats. He’s on the other side of the circle, sitting in the same lawn chair he’s been in since he and Perry pulled into the McCreadys’ driveway. He’s cradling a beer in one hand, his leg stretched out and propped up on a small cooler.

Mercedes raises an eyebrow slowly. “Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous,” Nathan says slowly. His mouth twitches. “You think I’m jealous of that?”

Mercedes preens a little, her bare shoulder shimmying. She’s the only one in a bathing suit, and the tops of her arms are starting to redden. “I do,” she says.

Nathan’s eyes light up a little bit. “I’m not,” he promises. “Loverboy is a terrible nickname.”

“Hey,” Nicole protests. She frowns at herself. She doesn’t  _ love _ it, but it’s hers.

“You want a nickname,” Mercedes says, squinting at Nathan. “That’s your problem.”

Nathan scoffs. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” Mercedes fires back. 

Nathan lumbers to his feet and grins. “Fine, then.” He shifts his weight, wincing slightly. “Give me a nickname.”

Mercedes laughs. “Oh, Nathan. Nathan, Nathan, Nathan.” She saunters towards him, hips moving hypnotically. She presses a hand to his chest. “You have to  _ earn _ it.”

Nicole swallows hard, watching Nathan do the same.

“She’s, like, a whirlwind,” Chrissy says, sipping from her drink. “Isn’t she?”

Perry laughs, poking Nathan in the side. “Close your mouth.”

Nathan snaps her jaw closed and scowls at Perry. He finishes his beer, crushing the can in one hand. “Can it, Crofte.”

Perry laughs harder. 

Nicole can see the frustration in Nathan’s eyes, and she steps forward, trying to curb some of it before it erupts. “Hey, can you take over the grill? Doc’s making hockey pucks out of hamburgers and we’re all starving.”

Nathan studies her for a moment. “You only want me to go so you can keep me busy.”

Nicole shrugs, unwilling to admit it and unwilling to lie.

Nathan sighs. “Fine. But only because I want to  _ eat  _ sometime today.”

He walks slowly over to the grill, taking the spatula from Doc and shooing him away. Perry pats Chrissy on the leg and follows after him, stopping at the coolers lined up along the side of the house on his way. He presses a fresh can into Nathan’s hand as he joins him at the grill.

Nicole scowls. She thinks it’s probably Nathan’s third beer, and they haven’t been here all that long. She can still feel the bottle of painkillers in her pocket, cutting through the denim jeans into her thigh, but she thinks she might go lock them in the car.  _ He can’t take them if he’s been drinking _ , she thinks to herself.  _ Even if he’s done it before _ . 

Waverly sits down in Nathan’s abandoned lawn chair, smiling hopefully at Nicole. “Did you want to bring down some music?” she asks.

Nicole frowns. She’d been so wrapped up in Nathan that she hadn’t even noticed there wasn’t any music playing. She was supposed to be in charge of that. They all had their jobs: Mercedes brought the booze, Wynonna and Waverly supplied the yard. Doc was supposed to be in charge of cooking. Perry brought all of the drinks that weren’t alcoholic, and Jeremy and Dolls put themselves in charge of games.  _ Well, _ Nicole thinks.  _ Jeremy put himself in charge of games. Dolls just got roped into it. _

Nicole was supposed to bring her stereo and a bunch of cassettes, but getting Nathan in the car had made her totally forget about it. She sighs. “Right. On it.”

Waverly tips her head, giving Nicole a quiet smile. “You okay, baby?”

Nicole looks across the lawn, frowning. “I’m fine,” she says absently. She looks back at Waverly and tries to smile. “Sure.”

Waverly pushes out of her chair and winds her arms around Nicole’s waist, pressing up onto her tiptoes. “Have I told you how  _ killer _ you look today?”

Nicole feels the back of her neck burn. “I’m in jeans and a white shirt.”

“Your best look,” Waverly says firmly. “Very clutch.”

“Yeah?” Nicole asks. She leans forward, her mouth brushing against Waverly’s. Her hands flex against Waverly’s cheeks, pulling her closer. 

“Get a room,” Wynonna grumbles as she walks by them, shouldering them out of the way.

“That’s a good idea,” Waverly says against her lips. “We can go get that stereo and, uh…” She slips a finger under the hem of Nicole’s white shirt. “Get a room,” she murmurs.

Nicole reaches down, lacing her fingers through Waverly’s. She tugs gently. “We’ll be right back.”

Wynonna’s face twists into disgust. “Just stay out of my room,” she commands. “I’ll know if you’re in there.” 

Waverly rolls her eyes. “What? Did you booby trap it?” Wynonna stays quiet and Waverly’s hand twitches in Nicole’s. “Did you booby trap it?” she asks again.

Wynonna shrugs a shoulder carelessly. “Don’t go in there and you don’t have to worry about it.”

Waverly flips her off lazily and tugs at Nicole’s arm, towards the house.

Nicole carefully peels her hand out of Waverly’s. “Just one second. Nathan,” she calls. She waits until she’s closer, until he looks up, before she keeps speaking. “I’m going to go get the stereo upstairs.”

Nathan frowns at her. “Okay?”

“In case you need me,” she continues.

Nathan’s frown fades, his lips pressing into a hard, thin line. “Nicole, get out of my face.”

“I’m just-”

“All over me,” Nathan interrupts. He lowers his voice, his eyes flashing. “Just give me a bit of goddamn space, okay?”

Nicole glances quickly at Perry. Perry catches her eyes and looks away, across the lawn, pretending to be interested in the game of horseshoes Jeremy is trying to start. 

“Nathan,” she says softly.

Nathan steps towards her, the spatula in his hand. “Listen,” he growls. “ _ You _ dragged me out here.  _ You _ made me come. And now,  _ you _ are going to give me some space. You’re suffocating me, all right?”

“Okay,” Nicole mutters. She turns sharply, the grass twisting under the heel of her boot, and she marches across the lawn, right past Waverly and into the house. She ignores Wynonna’s shout and takes the stairs two at a time, scowling at her reflection in the mirror. She doesn’t look to see what tapes she picks up, stacking them in her arms and cradling them close to her chest as she stomps back down the steps.

“Fine,” she mumbles to herself. “If you don’t want me to hang around you, I won’t.”

She pauses on the stairs, her feet stuck to the runner. Sometimes when she comes down the stairs too fast, she thinks she can see Curtis there, watching her with a fond smile on his face. Her feet unstick and she tumbles down the last step clumsily, down the hallway, and back out into the yard. The sun is too bright and she squints up at the sky.

“Music!” someone shouts.

Nicole checks the tapes in her arms, frowning as she stacks them on the small table near the grill. She finally reads  _ Bat Out of Hell _ on one of the cases and pops open the deck, sliding the tape in.

The piano and guitar instrumental kick in, and Nicole breathes out, her chest loosening just a little.

 

-

Nicole scowls across the lawn at Nathan, cracking the tab on his fifth beer.

“You know,” Mercedes says casually, coming up next to her. “I’ve always thought he was a bohunk.”

Nicole frowns. “Perry?”

Mercedes rolls her eyes. “No, Doc.” She sighs. “ _ Nathan _ , you hoser.”

Nicole nearly spits out her mouthful of Orange Crush. “Wh-what?”

Mercedes nods slowly, her eyes on Nathan. “He was always cute.”

“Ew,” Nicole says. “That’s grody.”

“You’re still my favorite,” Mercedes adds, winking.

“Mine, too,” Waverly says softly, coming up next to her.

Nicole eyes her for a moment before she sighs and drops her arm across the back of Waverly’s shoulders, letting Waverly lean into her side. “You’re mine,” she agrees. She frowns. “Don’t tell Wynonna.”

Mercedes gags and moves back a meter. “And that’s my cue.”

“Mercedes,” Nicole calls. She smiles briefly at Waverly and moves closer to Mercedes, a hand cupping her elbow. “Can you… Can you keep an eye on him for me?”

“On Nathan?” Mercedes asks, glancing back at the grill.

“He’s just… He thinks I’m hovering,” Nicole admits.

“You are.”

Nicole scowls at her. “And,” she says pointedly. “I just don’t want him to…” She runs a hand over the back of her neck. “I want to make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

Mercedes purses her lips. “It’s just us, Nicole. In the backyard. How much trouble can he get into?”

Nicole pauses, remembering Nathan alone in his hospital bed, recovering. It had only been two of them - Nathan and an older man recovering from complications from gallbladder surgery - and he had gotten into plenty of trouble then, swiping his roommate’s pain pills when the other guy was in the bathroom. 

“Please?” she asks again.

Mercedes sighs. “Fine. But only because he does that same cute blush you do when I embarrass you.”

Nicole feels her face flush.

“That’s the one,” Mercedes says, grinning. She straightens her shoulders and pushes them back, puffing her chest out. She starts across the lawn, curling a hand over Nathan’s bicep as she reaches him, giving him a wide smile.

“She’s, like, a siren,” Waverly mutters behind her.

Nicole blinks hard, turning around. “I didn’t mean  _ seduce _ him.” She wrinkles her nose at the thought. “Ew. Can you imagine, the two of them?” She laughs and holds out a hand for Waverly. “Come here.”

Waverly steps in close. “Hi,” she murmurs.

“Hey,” Nicole breathes out. She loops her arms around Waverly’s neck. “Sorry.”

“About what?”

“About earlier,” Nicole clarifies. “I’m just-”

“Worried about Nathan?”

Nicole winces. “Can everyone tell?”

Waverly just stares at her.

Nicole sighs. “He’s just slipping away. I can feel it, you know?” 

Waverly smiles softly and winds her arms around Nicole’s waist. “You got him back once before. You’ll do it again,” she promises. 

“The last time nearly killed him,” Nicole mutters. She thinks back to pulling Nathan out of a bar, his mouth foaming from all the beer and the pills he’d taken. Nicole had panicked for a long moment, his head lolling back on her front seat as she idled in the parking lot. She tried to remember what her mom had taught her; get it out of his system. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, talking more to her Pontiac than Nathan. She slammed her foot down on the gas, the car rocketing forward, before hitting the brake harder.  _ Thank god for seatbelts _ , she thought as Nathan’s whole body jerked forward. He’d gotten sick on the floorboard twice, and then slept the rest of the ride. She was home before she realized she couldn’t lift him out of her car, along the driveway, into the house, and then up the stairs to his room. She rolled him out of her car onto the asphalt and called Wynonna, pacing in the dark until Wynonna’s bike pulled down her street.

It took the both of them a half hour to get him into the shower and they fell asleep on the floor in the bathroom, leaning against each other with their backs to the sink.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Waverly says gently. “Didn’t you tell me last week that Nedley was asking your opinion about all of those new drugs coming into town?”

Nicole looks back at Nathan guiltily. The only  _ real _ reason Nedley was asking her was because she’d had to leave in the middle of her shift a few weeks back to get Nathan from a different bar in Abee. She’d driven up to The Hunter’s Lodge, peering into the darkness surrounding the front door. A man with long hair and wild eyes was leaning against the building, sneering at her as she got closer. 

She put her hand on her duty belt, holding his gaze as best she could. It darted up and down her body, then over her shoulder, and into the dark.

“You a Roller?”

Nicole looked down at her uniform. “Yes,” she said slowly.

The man blinked back at her, his eyes red-rimmed.

“Are you on something, sir?”

“Aren’t we all?” he asked. “Aren’t we all on this wild ride called life?”

The front door kicked open and Nathan stumbled out, his arm slung over the shoulders of a man Nicole thought she maybe recognized.

“Oh, boy.” The man shook Nathan. “Your old lady is here.”

Nathan squinted, his whole body swaying. “She’s not my old lady. She’s my  _ sister _ ,” he spat. “My keeper.”

“Let’s go, Nathan,” she said gruffly. She ignored the man holding Nathan up and slipped under his shoulder, moving him away from the door. The man shrugged at Nathan and dipped back inside the building.

“I want to stay,” Nathan protested, digging his feet into the dirt parking lot.

“It’s time to go,” she said, her voice firm.

The man at the door twitched and stepped forward. In the single parking lot light, she could see bruises up and down his arms, small, red dots in the center of each bruise. “Hey, he said he doesn’t want to go.”

“Stay out of this,” she instructed him. She tried to hoist Nathan up a little higher.

“Listen, Five-O, he doesn’t want to-”

“Sir,” Nicole interrupted. “I suggest you go back inside.”

The man stepped back a little. In the light, she could see his eyes better. His pupils were pinheads. “It’s just that consent-”

“It’s easy,” Nathan drawled. “Take a chill pill, Davey.”

The man nodded slowly. “You sure, Nate?”

Nathan waved a clumsy hand in Davey’s direction. “It’s clutch, man. I’m clutch.”

Davey blinked sleepily at them, his eyes taking on a different look. The frantic back and forth was gone, replaced by a heavy stare that seemed almost tired. Davey leaned back against the wall as if he couldn’t hold himself up.

_ He’s coming down _ , Nicole thought to herself. She’d done some reading on heroin -  _ first you’re upm and then you’re down. And when you’re down, you’re asleep _ . Davey tipped his head to one side.

“You leaving, Nate?”

Nathan laughed and leaned, heavier, into Nicole’s side. 

She’d gone back to the station, wanting to be anywhere but home, and told Nedley about the man at The Lodge.  _ Davey _ , she thought to herself. He’d looked familiar but… She’d shaken the thought off. He looked like every other junkie she’s run into, either picking Nathan up or the ones blowing through Purgatory on their way up and down 63 - unwashed, unkempt, and strung out.

“And you think it might have been illegal?” Nedley had asked.

Nicole nodded slowly. “I’m speculating, sir,” she said. “But he appeared to have significant bruising consistent with self-administration of some type of syringe-like object. His pupils were dilated. He might have been coming down, because by the end of the conversation, he had nodded off.”

Nedley nodded, his hand rubbing at his chin. “Keep it under advisement for now, Haught. We’ll monitor traffic coming in and out of Purgatory. I want you in charge of that, you hear me?” He leaned forward across his desk. “Like hell if they think they’re taking  _ my _ town.”

“He did,” Nicole admits.

Waverly smiles brightly. “That’s my baby.”

Nicole ducks her head, resting her lips against Waverly’s forehead.

“What’s going on  _ there _ ?” Wynonna asks, leaning in to their space.

Waverly scowls at her, but Nicole pinches her side gently.  _ Behave _ , she tries to tell Waverly.

“Where?” Waverly asks, her voice even.

Wynonna nods towards the grill. Nathan is leaning against the small sideboard attached to the grill, his beer abandoned on the card table with the hamburgers and hotdogs. He’s grinning widely, his eyes warm and focused on Mercedes. Mercedes is laughing, her head thrown back, and she’s curling her hand around Nathan’s arm, squeezing it as she talks.  

Nicole scowls. “Is she…”

“She is,” Wynonna breathes out. “It’s like watching a nature documentary.”

“Which one?” Nicole asks absently.

“The lion and the gazelle,” Wynonna says quickly. “As if there’s any other kind of nature documentary.”

“There is,” Waverly cuts in. “National Geographic has, like, a whole-”

“Don’t care,” Wynonna interrupts. “Who’s the lion?” she asks Nicole.

“Mercedes,” they say at the same time.

Waverly huffs softly, and Nicole softens.  _ It’s going to be a long summer _ , she thinks. It’s just barely started, and Waverly and Wynonna are already playing ‘Who can take up more of Nicole’s attention?’ like they’re still fourteen, and Nicole feels stuck in the middle, wanting to spend her time with her best friend  _ and _ her girlfriend, and unsure how to make everyone happy.

_ Nathan looks happy _ . She looks back up across the lawn.

_ And if Nathan is happy _ ,  _ I can be happy _ .

She places her hand in Waverly’s and grins at Wynonna and thinks,  _ maybe this summer can work out after all _ . 

 

-

“What about a movie?” Nathan asks, pacing back and forth across the living room. His steps are heavy and uneven. “Think that would work?”

Waverly frowns, pressing into Nicole’s side. Nicole lifts her arm, letting Waverly slide under it, and drops it back down, her fingers curling over Waverly’s shoulder.

“No movie?” Nathan asks.

“It’s just boring,” Waverly says gently. “And Mercedes Gardner is not boring.”

“She’s a lot of other things,” Nicole mutters, grinning when Waverly elbows her gently.

Nathan sighs. “You’re right. God, what am I even thinking? She’s way out of my league.”

Nicole sits up a little, frowning. “Hey, wait a second.”

“She is,” Nathan insists. “She’s, like, a hundred times cooler than I am. And I’m...” He trails off, sweeping a hand down his body. “I’m me.”

He sounds ten again, asking her mom when dad is coming home. His voice wobbles and his eyes are down. He toes at the living room carpet.

“Snap out of it,” Nicole says sharply. “You’re  _ Nathan Haught _ . You led Purgatory High to  _ two _ baseball championships. You worked your way through the line at the factory. You looked your orthopedic surgeon in the face when he told you you’d never walk again, and you told him to get bent.”

“I did,” Nathan says slowly.

“So, what’re you worried about?”

Nathan sighs, dropping down onto the coffee table. He perches on the edge of it. “That’s who I  _ used _ to be.”

“Those parts of you still exist,” Nicole insists. She smiles brightly. “Come on. You’re good enough for her.” She can feel Waverly’s hand slide over her knee, tracing hearts through the denim of her jeans. “Scout’s honor.”

Nathan holds up his own hand slowly. “You promise?”

“Scouts honor,” Nicole repeats, stretching out each word. 

Nathan sighs. “If you’re sure,” he mutters. 

Waverly’s fingernails dig into her knee. “What about something in the city. Instead of staying in town.”

Nathan pushes his hand into his pocket and stands up again, back to pacing. “Like what?” he asks. 

“Well, there’s bowling?” Waverly suggests. She winces when Nathan makes a face. “Or… Or a fancy restaurant?” 

“I’m not putting on a monkey suit just to-”

“Oh!” Waverly says brightly. She leans forward. “A new place just opened at the mall. Laser tag, I think.”

Nathan frowns. “What’s laser tag?” 

Nicole’s eyes widen. “Laser tag?” She looks excitedly at Nathan. “We played in the academy, as part of our training. You get vests and photon shooters, like in  _ Star Wars _ , and you shoot people. If the light hits them in the vest, they’re dead.” She turns back to Waverly. “ _ We _ should go.”

Nathan pauses in front of them. “Why don’t we all go?”

“What?”

Nathan nods. “Yeah, that’s totally perfect. We  _ all _ go, and then if I turn into a total putt, it won’t be just the two of us there.”

Nicole pauses, biting down on her bottom lip nervously. “Are you sure? It’s just… this is your first date in forever-”

“Since Hetty Tate,” Waverly offers, shrugging when Nicole and Nathan turn to stare at her. “I remember things.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like we’re… cramping your style.”

Nathan snorts. “What’re we? Ninety? Cramping my style?” He rolls his eyes.

“Or like I’m your keeper,” Nicole continues carefully.

The smirk fades from Nathan’s face and he sighs. “Nicole, I-”

“It’s cool,” Nicole says quickly. “I just want you to know that I’ll back off you. I wasn’t trying to hover. I’m just trying to help.”

“Help, hover.” Nathan smiles and waves her off. “Seriously. It’s okay. I get why you were doing it, I swear.” He sits down on the coffee table again. “You want to help. And I wasn’t making it easy for you. And I’m…” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that.”

Nathan claps his hands together and stands up, wincing slightly as he shifts his weight. “Great! So, you two and me and Mercedes. Maybe we can get everyone to come?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “I’ll call Perry!” he shouts over his shoulder.

Nicole sighs and drops her head into her hands, turning to look at Waverly. “Want to go chaperone my older brother’s date?”

Waverly laughs and leans in, kissing her sloppily on the side of the head. “Sounds like the perfect date.”

 

-

“This was a great idea,” Nicole breathes into Waverly’s ear. There’s something about Waverly in a puesdo-tactical vest that makes Nicole’s stomach tighten comfortably. “And you look  _ clutch _ .”

Waverly turns and purses her lips, batting her eyelids at Nicole. She hooks her hand around the vest, tugging Nicole close. “How clutch?” she asks quietly.

“ _ So _ clutch,” Nicole whispers back. She looks around quickly and takes a few steps back, further into the shadows of the laser tag room. They’re all setting up, trying on vests and deciding teams. Nicole pulls Waverly into the corner now, Wynonna’s voice fading for a moment. Nathan has been fine so far - almost his old self. He was telling jokes, smiling, and winking at Mercedes enough to make her blush.

Nicole feels  _ good _ for the first time in three years, watching her brother be the man she remembered he could be. 

“So, so clutch,” she repeats.

Waverly sighs as their mouths meet, her tongue darting out to brush against Nicole’s bottom lip. Her hand tightens around Nicole’s vest, pulling her even closer. Nicole feels her back against the felt-covered wall, the one that’s supposed to muffle the sound of approaching footsteps. It scratches against her bare arms but the sting doesn’t last, fading out as Waverly’s body presses against the length of her own.

Nicole slides her hand up Waverly’s neck, burying it in her hair. The winter felt so long without this, but Waverly is here now, under her hands, breathing hard into her mouth.

She never wants summer to end if this is what’ll be: kissing her girl, hanging out with her brother, and photon shooters with the _ Star Wars _ ‘pew, pew’ noises.

“Are you two done?” Wynonna asks loudly.

Nicole pushes Waverly back, wincing when Waverly stumbles slightly.

“Because we kind of need you so we can start.”

Nicole wipes at her mouth and nods wordlessly.

Wynonna wrinkles her nose. “Fix your damn vest, Haught. This isn’t your first rodeo, so quit acting like it.”

Nicole wipes down the front of her vest, her face burning. Waverly reaches for her hand, lacing their fingers together, and they round the corner. Nathan is leaning against a wall, his eyes locked on Mercedes. Chrissy is talking to Rosita, hanging off Perry’s arm. Dolls is silently adjusting Jeremy’s vest, tugging each strap to make it tight. Doc is twirling the photon blaster on a single finger, and when he looks up and catches Nicole’s eye, he winks.

Wynonna claps her hands together. “Okay, teams.” She points at Nicole. “Roller, you’re in charge of one team. And you, Gunslinger,” she says, her words stretching as she turns to Doc. “You’re in charge of the other.”

Doc twirls the blaster around his finger once more and holsters it into his pocket. “I thought you would never ask.”

Wynonna feigns fainting, her hand against her forehead.

Nicole gags just a little. “I want Waverly,” she says quicky.

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “We know.”

“Then I shall request the company of Wynonna.”

Nicole wrinkles her nose, studying the group. She wants someone who know what they’re doing, and there’s an obvious choice. “Nathan.”

Nathan grins widely. “Damn straight.”

“Dolls,” Doc chooses.

“Perry,” Nicole says quickly.

Doc studies the group carefully. He ends up with Chrissy and Jeremy and Nicole picks Mercedes. Rosita declares herself hostile and on her own team.

“None of you are safe, suckers,” she says, smirking at them.

Nicole wants to lay down a strategy; they won’t win without one. But Wynonna claps her hands together impatiently, and Nicole gives up on her strategy. She’ll cover Waverly and make sure no one comes for her.

“You good?” she asks Nathan as the giant neon clock in the corner counts down.

Nathan pats his vest and grins, something real that stretches wide across his face. “Never been better.”

 

-

Nicole doesn’t notice anything is wrong until the second round of the game. She’s slipping around the corner, photon blaster drawn, on the hunt for Wynonna, and she practically trips over Nathan. He’s leaning heavily against the wall, flexing his knee carefully, his face twisted in pain. 

She drops her gun from its ready position, letting it bounce on the coiled rubber string attached to her vest. “Are you okay?”

Nathan looks up quickly, his eyes flashing in fear before they settle on her. “What? Oh. I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Nicole says.

Nathan scowls. “Why did you ask if you’re just going to answer for me?”

Nicole moves closer. “Is it your knee or your tibia? I was reading about the surgery you had, and sometimes the screws can move, and you can-”

Nathan barks out a laugh. “Jesus Christ, listen to you.” He twists, his whole back against the felt wall. “It’s like you’re mom and a doctor and a goddamn  _ jailor _ all rolled into one person.” His eyes narrow into slits. “Can you back off me for two fucking minutes?”

Nicole steps back, his angry words cutting through her vest and into her stomach. “Nathan, you-”

“ _ Can it _ ,” he growls.

Nicole tries to make herself smaller, twisting her body sideways so she’s seems less of a threat. “Did you take something?”

Nathan sighs. “Two pills, as prescribed.”

Nicole smiles hopefully. “So, they’ll kick in soon and you’ll be fine.”

Nathan scoffs. “Sure, Doc. Whatever you say.” He pushes off the wall and sways forward, nearly falling into Nicole.

She jumps towards him, her hands on his shoulders. “Whoa. Just hold…” She trails off, frowning. She leans in, sniffing lightly. “Are you… did you have a drink?”

Nathan looks over her shoulder. 

“Nathan,” Nicole hisses. “Are you  _ drunk _ ?”

Nathan rolls his eyes. “Don’t get your panties in a twist,” he mutters. “I had a few shots from the flask in my car, okay? Liquid courage.”

Nicole grabs the front of Nathan’s shirt, twisting it in her hand. “You drank that and  _ took a pain pill _ here?”

Nathan’s hand is tight as it grips hers. “Get bent, Nicole.”

“You’re going to get bent,” Nicole says. “Around an electrical pole. Or a tree. You stupid, thoughtless-”

“Oh, yeah,” Nathan scoffs. “Whatever. You’re the one who kept pushing me to get out and do things. Well, here I am. Doing things.”

“Getting high on painkillers and drunk on…” She sniffs again. “On whisky is  _ not _ what I meant.”

Nathan shrugs a shoulder. “Who cares? I’m having a good time. Mercedes is having a good time. This is a  _ good _ first date.”

“Your knee is pulsing,” Nicole tries to explain to him. “You’re limping even more than normal, and you  _ know _ you’re not supposed to be putting it through so much right now. Not when-”

“Not when what?” Nathan asks angrily, his eyes flashing.

“Not when this is the most you’ve done in years,” Nicole says firmly, straightening her shoulders. She softens, reaching out to rest her hands on his arms. “Listen, you-”

“ _ You _ need to get over it,” Nathan hisses. He shrugs her off roughly, pushing her back a meter.

Nicole stumbles back, hitting the felt wall behind her. She feels her lips pull back in a sneer, a flash of anger hot in her stomach and in her eyes, and she growls, stepping forward to go after him. 

“Whoa, Loverboy. You okay?” Mercedes asks, a hand on Nicole’s shoulder.

Nicole blinks back the burn in her eyes and nods. “Yeah,” she manages.

“Is he?” Mercedes continues, nodding at Nathan.

Nicole watches him pause, resting a hand against the wall as he leans into it. She can see the tension in his shoulders, coiled tight. “I don’t know,” she lies.

_ He’s not _ , a voice in her head screams.  _ He hasn’t been in so long _ .

Mercedes hesitates, her hand sliding off Nicole’s arm. “Do you want me to go talk to him?”

Nicole tips her head to the side. “You don’t have to,” she starts.

Mercedes rolls her eyes. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.” She arches an eyebrow. “Or do you think I’m in the habit of being nice?”

“I’d never accuse you of that,” Nicole teases. Her smile fades. “He can be kind of an asshole when he’s upset like that,” she warns.

Something flashes over Mercedes’ face. “I like a challenge,” she says casually. “And I meant what I said last weekend. I’ve always had a small crush on him. That’s not going to change because he’s being a baby.”

Nicole sucks in her lips, thinking it over. “I guess you can give it a shot. Maybe you’ll get through to him.” She runs a hand through her hair and then rests it on the collar of her vest, pulling it down a little. 

Mercedes trails a hand down her arm, winking as her fingers brush over Nicole’s wrist. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Loverboy. Nathan Haught can’t get me riled up.” She pauses. “But he can  _ certainly _ try.”

Nicole gags loudly, ignoring Mercedes’s laugh as she walks away.

Wynonna presses in close. “Things okay?”

“Sure,” Nicole says tightly. She sighs. “I don’t know,” she admits.

“He seems like he’s having fun,” Wynonna offers.

“He’s high on painkillers and probably finished half a flask of whisky,” Nicole says, her back teeth grinding together.

Wynonna sighs, the noise swallowed up in the video-game soundtrack playing through the big overhead speakers near the countdown clock. “Want me to have Doc talk to him?”

Nicole shakes her head slowly, looking down. “Mercedes is going to talk to him. I think he thinks I’m, like, policing him.”

“Welcome to my life,” Wynonna says dryly. She elbows Nicole gently. “I’m kidding, Five-O.”

“Nathan isn’t,” Nicole grumbles.

Wynonna smiles crookedly. “Well, he’s high and drunk. What do you expect from him?”

Nicole scowls, opening her mouth to argue back.

“You  _ dickweed _ ,” someone shouts, cutting her off. 

Nicole’s head snap up just in time to watch Mercedes’s hand come down across Nathan’s cheek.

He staggers backwards, colliding with the felt wall. Doc springs forward, trapping him against it when he looks like he’s going to storm towards Mercedes. Nathan struggles, his face red, and slips out of Doc’s hold, taking a hard step in Mercedes’s direction.

“You stupid-”

Rosita steps in, her hand flat against Nathan’s chest, pushing him back. “Don’t even think about finishing that sentence,” she warns.

Nathan looks through her, eyes blazing. “If you think you-”

“You heard her,” Waverly says firmly, her shoulder against Rosita’s.

Nathan inhales deeply, like he’s going to try and huff and puff and blow them over, but Chrissy steps up on Rosita’s other side, Wynonna just behind them. Nicole grips Mercedes’s hand, their palms tight together. Nathan looks past them all, meeting Nicole’s eyes, and something shifts.

He steps through Rosita, pushing her into Waverly, a hand up to block Chrissy trying to grab at his arm. Dolls and Doc move in front of him, but he shoulders them out of the way, eyes locked on Nicole.

“This is all  _ your _ fault,” he growls, lifting his arm up and pulling it back. His eyes are dark and hard as he swings forward.

“ _ Don’t _ ,” Nicole hisses, catching his wrist in her hand. She twists, grabbing him by the back of the shirt, holding him at a distance like she would with a drunk she’s escorting to the tank on a Friday night. He bucks and turns, trying to fight her off, but he’s hurting and he eventually sags forward, tired.

She moves on autopilot, pulling both arms behind his back and steadying a hand on the back of his shoulder. Her heart is racing and there’s a loud roar in her ears. She can hear Waverly calling her name; Mercedes shouting  _ Loverboy _ at her; Wynonna trying to grab for her, but she barely stops for them, shoving Nathan out of the laser tag room and into the lobby where they paid for the game.

Nathan scowls at her, but Nicole ignores him, too, shoving again. “Move it,” she hisses.

_ Get him out of here _ , her head screams.  _ Get him out of here now _ .

Nathan trips on a loose shoe lace, and they both stumble forward, barely catching their footing.

“You can’t wear that vest out of here,” the attendant says from behind the counter.

“Charge me!” she shouts back at the attendant. She flushes; she knows the rules. Waverly will bring it back for her.

Nicole marches Nathan through the building, slipping out a side door of the mall closest to where her car is parked. He struggles in her grip, but doesn’t try to break away. She pushes him more than he walks, his feet dragging over loose pavement and into potholes. 

Her car is easy to spot, glimmering in the afternoon sun. She pulls to a stop just before they get there, and edges him to one side, opening the door with her free hand.

“Nathan,” she says, a hard edge to her voice.

His head snaps up, his eyes burning like he’s ready for a fight. She’s seen it in the drunks she’s herded into her cruiser on Friday’s nights - that look of anger, with just the right amount of recklessness at the edges. If she pokes and prods now, they’ll get into a fist fight in the middle of this parking lot. 

“Just… get in,” she tells him wearily, hand gripping the door where the window is cracked.

She slams the car door shut and closes her eyes, wincing when she hears a hard  _ thump _ against the dashboard, Nathan’s fist against the vinyl. 

She breathes -  _ in and out and in and out _ , she thinks. 

“You need help,” she says, resting her forearm on the hood of the car.

The inside of the car is quiet, but after a minute, Nathan speaks up. “I know.”

“This can’t be your life, Nathan,” she continues. “You can’t… You  _ can’t _ do this.”

She turns, sliding down the side of the car. The door is hot against her bare arms, but she ignores the ripple of discomfort.

There’s a soft  _ thud, _ and she leans forward a bit, twisting her head. Nathan is leaning against the window, his eyes closed, his cheeks wet.

“I know,” he repeats.

Nicole swallows hard. “Were you going to hit her back?” she asks, the words a forced whisper.

Nathan doesn’t answer.

Nicole drops her head into her hand, rubbing at her temples. “I think you need to do something, Nate. Talk to someone. Go to meetings.  _ Something _ . Or… Or you can’t stay.”

“I know,” Nathan whispers.

“Okay,” Nicole whispers back. She lets her legs stretch out ahead of her, and she knows they must look ridiculous; in laser tag vests, sweating, one of them hanging out of the window and the other sitting on the blacktop. She hears the window crank down, and Nathan’s hand drifts out in front of her, reaching.

She wants to push his hand away. There’s an anger in her gut that wants to push him far enough away until she can’t  _ feel _ him hurting anymore. And tomorrow, she’ll let that anger come.

But today, she grabs his hand, laces her fingers through his, and she holds on tight.

“Okay,” she says again. “Okay.”


End file.
